Before I get into this post i am going to do this tag game, buti am not going to tag anyone, because prettymuch everyone has been tagged already, and I am wayyyy behind :)
The Rules:
1-Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog
2-Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird
3-Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs
4- Let them know they are TAGGED by leaving a comment on their blog
1--When I wake up in the middle of the night I have to actually get out of bed, and brush my teeth or I can't go back to sleep
2--I am scared of condiments. Its not that I hate them because i have never actually had them, but I am scared of them. Like I puke gag and scream if they touch me
3--I still feel fat. Even thoughi have lost 100 pounds, i still see everybad quality about myself when I look in the mirror
4--My biggest fear is no guy will ever like me. Even though I have a boyfriend now and he always tells me that he likes me, I always assume that he is lying to me. He has no reason to lie about it, but I always think he is. There is no way anyone could like me as much as he says he does
5--My first boyfriend was when I was 20 years old, and I ahve only had 3 boyfriends in my life, The longest relationship I have ever been in was 4 months, and that was my first boyfriend. The only reason it lasted so long was because I wasn't romantically interested in him. I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend so I avoided him at all costs. I never led him on, i never kissed him, or told him i cared about him like that. He knew the whoole time I wasn't feeling it.
6--I have a pirate Tattoo and I love it
7--I have pretty much accomplished nothing in my life, but have so many goals which i hope to accomplish
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Yep so thats pretty much 7 random and weird facts about me.
Anyways I feel liek I am completely out of control, but I am not. I weigh 128, I have gained no wait. In fact I have maintained the same weight since July, so what is my problem? Honestly I just do not get it. You know that feeling you get after you finish the greasest item on the menu from a fast food restaurant. You know, when it just sits in your stomach and you think "Man I shouldn't have aten that!" Well thats how I feel. 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. I don't know what to do about it. I am not eating bad foods, and it worries me that I force myself to feel like I have. I am not doing it on person. Aside from my body image I have no complaints about my life. I am happier then I have been ever.... its crazy, I am always smiling, but then there is a voice in the back of my head telling me how ugly I am, telling me that Nic doesn't like me, telling me to stop eating, telling me to binge, telling me that that scale ios broken and I actually weigh 220.
I am so overwhelmed I do not know what to do. I want to be happy with myself, I feel like I shoudl be happy with myself. 100 pounds is a huge accomplishment. (some days its 100, some days its 95, it varies between that) SO if i feel like i should be happy with myself, and I tell myself I should be happy with myself, then how come I am not happy with myself?
I always shy away from blogging, because I am scared I am going to dissapoint you guys. I don't know why. ALl of you are so supportive, and your comments make my day, I just get weird thoughts like that in my head. I want to share good news with you guys about my diet, but I never have any anymore. I hate comming on here and telling you guys I feel fat, so I do not come on at all. I think about it alot. I even start to write posts sometimes and then never post them.
I am so mad at myself for finally getting everything I wanted, friends, boyfriend, happieness, and basically ruining it for myself by worrying about the way I look all the time. I have gained no weight so Why am I so worried?
I was looking at a picture of me 7 pounds heavier then I am now, and I was like "I wish I still looked that thin" but i must, i mean I weigh less, I am wearing the same or smaller clothes... its just stupid.
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5 comments:
First off congrats for maintaining for so long, that is awesome!!!!!
Secondly, remember this is YOUR BLOG not ours. You can write whatever you want, it doesn't matter, and you aren't disappointing anyone because you didn't lose weight for anyone but yourself, you didn't do it for us. Write what you want that is what this is all about. If everyone only blogged when they were having great OP days and not struggling then there would be a lot less posts out there.
Keep your chin up and remember this is for YOU - Renee, not us out here in blogland.
Renee
It would be easy for me to sit here and tell you just to be happy and realize you are thin but this is something you have to accept and work through yourself.
I too have a hard time accepting that I am much thinner now. I was overweight for so long that is difficult for me to realize that 85lbs are gone.
I just try to focus on the positive things about my life such as how I can exercise for an hour with no problem or how much energy I have now instead of what the scale says. I am coming to realize the number on the scale isn't all there is to me there is so much more.
You have come along ways so focus on the good and try not to put so much emphasis on what the scale says day to day. Don't let the metal devil control you because in the end it serves no purpose. You have a lot to be proud of!!
It sounds like the weight is gone and the feelings never left. Fist off, you look BEAUTIFUL, you're a smart girl, you've got it all going on...there must've been some traumatic experiences that you attribute with your former weight that stay with you today. I hope you can work past it to see how special you are!
You blog about whatever you want girl, we're here for ya! :)
Congratus for maintaining! It is very hard to do (I write this knowing that I haven't). Secondly, I think it might help you to talk to someone professionally. I know you're stil in school, so maybe they have counselors/psychologists or the students? You may need some help analyzing the reasons why you feel this way...
It's totally normal to have feelings of insecurity, we all do, but if you don't like it and it's making you feel awful all the time, then maybe it would help to get some more insight! Regardless of what you decide to do, we're here for you!
-Chris
{{Hugs!}}
I can't say anything more than what the ladies before me have said, but I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel about avoiding the blogs. I do the same thing - I'm just on the opposite end of the scale!
I'm hoping that one day it'll sink in that you're a skinny minny, but until then just know that you can say anything you want here. :o)
Have a Great Weekend!!
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