Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I understand the concern

Thank you for the concern, but my doctor is ok with m continuing to lose weight and it won't be making me underweight or too skinny. 120 will put my BMI at 22. whichh really is right in the middle, not too high or not too low. I am not as skinny as you all so kindly make me sound. haha Heres a pick of me in my bathing suit.

this is at my current weight:
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as you can see I am no where near too thin, and will probably benefit from losing 10 more pounds. Thanks for the concern though, I do appreciate people looking out for me :)

How do I do it?

you know, I come on to my blog and complain that I am doing so horrible, but the scale has never actually shown me that I have done horrible. Take today for an example, I did horrible yesturday for stick on plan, but I weighed in at 128. 128 is an excellent weight since the lowest I have ever weighed in is 127.6, and that was only a few days ago. You know what I am thinking is going on here. I think I am not use to maintaining. Maintaining, as I am learning, is completly different then losing. I have to becareful not to gain, but I can allow myself more, and enjoy more as long as i don't over do it. Since I have been dieting for so long, I always think I am over doing it. I think what I need to do is better log my food so I can see how much i can eat to maintain. I started eating bread and meat again and i have been going to subway in between classes which is awesome because a 6 inch sub will really satisfy me. I would like to lose maybe another 10 pounds. I am not sure why. I always thought i would be happy at 140 and here i am at 128 and wanting to lose more. I am back to logging everything so I can get out of maintaince mode and back into losing mode.

Aside from that everything else is going pretty well. School is super stressful. its my last semester as I am sure I have mentioned before. I have a bunch of BIG papers and a 70 min seminar that I have to have done. but its all going to be worth it in december...someone please tell me this is true..it will be worth it right??

I have been considering grad school lately. well I am just not sure yet. It won't be right after I graduate but maybe in a year, depending on how I do with job searches and everything. I am a Public Justice major and I want to work with troubled teens. I did an internship with probation and I love it so much that I am continuing it through December. well thats pretty much an update from me. Thanks for all your support!

Saturday, September 8, 2007

I don't remember...

I don't remember my last day I had on track. I don't remember the last time I stayed with in my calorie limit.... that is scary and horrific. I wish I knew what to do. I am obsessed and at the same time so careless about my choices. I feel the need to eat constantly. i know I have to get back on track and I WILL. I just needed to confess

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Doctor's Appoitment

Today I had a check up with my doctor, the surgeon who did the gallbladder surgey. Anyways she asks me "so are you feelin' great? eating whatever you want to know" I told her I was feelin great but not eating everything because I was still dieting. She told me I look great and was concerned about why i wanted to go much farther, that made me feel good, because thats the first time in my life a doctor wasn't telling me I was over weight.

Well I binged this morning so I was at my limit by 1 pm, i thought for sure I was going to go over my limit today but I sucked it up and drank water for the rest of the day so I did it! Yay. I weighed in at 130 today.

SO i have been stress eating a lot lately which leads to binging, which completely sucks. See I have been seeing this guy since July and everything has been perfect, he is making me so happy. Happier then I have been in forever. Well we are going through our first rough patch. we arn't arguing or anything, he has just been so distant around me lately. I always think hes going to break up with me which makes me cry and eat...grrr. I asked him how he felt about me, and he says he wants to be with me and all that stuff, but he just isin't himself which is tearing me apart. I was talking to my friend Sam who is also one of his best friends. I was really upset and just wanted to see if he had said anything to her. well she said he had told her in all seriousness that he was crazy abbout me and wanted to be with me but he was going through a lot right now anddidn't know how he was going to be around me. I knew he was having problems with his family and stuff so I am hoping that it gets worked out and things go back to normal, because honestly i care about him so much.

heres a picture of us, this was before theToby concert before we realized we weren't going, haha obviously i didn't realize it yet because I am smiling in this picture.

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Monday, September 3, 2007

Day One

Day One back on Track
Morning weigh in 131.4 ( a lot less then I thought)

Calorie intake: 1530. OK my goal was to not go over 1400 but 1530 isin;t bad and I did not binge :).

today was tiresome. I worked 1030-7, and then hung out with friends. I went and saw Halloween. I don't know why I do that to myself. its now 1:18 AM and there is no way I'll be able to sleep!! lol I went to the grocery store after the movie and my friend had to walk me back out to the car. I am such a dork!!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

tough love!

Just what I needed! Thanks!

I keep ruing everyday I try to start fresh but tomorrow no excuses. Today was actaully great except that when I got home for work I ate like i hadn't ate in years, so that sucks.

tomorrow morning I am going to weigh in. Then no matter what I will stay on track for a week and then weigh myself again. I may have ruined the past week but I am still doing better then I was a year ago. and I need to think of it like that. My goal is No Soda, maybe one a day but nore then that. 1400 calories at the most, no less then 1200. some form of exercise everyday.

I will not eat cereal! NONE!

Saturday, September 1, 2007


I keep saying I am going to get back on track but I am not. I am failing. PLease some one help me get motivated to get back on track. WHat are somethings I can do? I have come to far to fail now